It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
