Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
