Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
