You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
did i just pee glitter
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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