am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
barbara walters just said penis...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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