Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
