Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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