Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
