She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
