so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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