I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
