i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
