UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
