Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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