when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I did not marry a roomba.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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