We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
