I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
