you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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