If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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