did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
