She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
