I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
