He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
