you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
