from now on my penis is your penis
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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