Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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