i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
