you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
