so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
