she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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