she told me i tasted like america
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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