I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
