been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
