i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
