why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
