I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
