If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
