3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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