if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
