Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
