I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
