i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
as a side note pls kill me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
