brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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