Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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