why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
