that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
