Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
