just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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