Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
