i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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