If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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