he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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