Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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