I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
