I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
