Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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