Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
