getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
